You Can't Have Him
You Can't Have Him — He's Mine
A Woman's Guide to Affair-Proofing Her Relationship

By: Marie H. Browne, R.N., Ph.D. (with Marlene M. Browne, Esq.)


Part One: Assessing Love on the Home Front

Chapter One: Your Husband’s Happiness Factor
  • Scratching His Itch
  • A Man’s Maslow Needs
  • Good Marital Habits
  • How Do You Rate
Chapter Two: Tell Tale Signs of Trouble Brewing
  • Preludes to Infidelity
  • Scenes from a Troubled Marriage
  • Tidings of Potential Trouble
  • Altered Personal Routines
  • Separate Pursuits
  • Financial Changes
  • A Marital Cry for Help

Part Two: Marital Hazards and Husband Traps

Chapter Three: The Ready Replacement Pool
  • Why She Wants Your Man
  • Neighbors and Sisters and Friends—Oh My!
  • Old Flames and Opportunists
  • Turning About (Is Unfair Play Now that You’re the Wife)
  • The Other Man—OM
  • Part-Time Lovers
Chapter Four: Knowing Your Rival’s Psyche Chapter Five: Avoiding Temptation Where It Waits
  • Employment Opportunities
  • Stopping Trouble Before it Starts
  • What you must do:
  • Marital Travel Advisory
  • Let’s Get Physical Fitness Center
  • Home: The Danger Zone
  • The Internet—A Modem to His Heart
Chapter Six: A Look in Your Own Mirror
  • Your Positive Marriage Assortment
  • The Equitable Marriage
  • Knowing Thyself—and Thy Husband
  • What’s the Score?
  • Personality and Marital Satisfaction
  • Narcissistic Husbands
  • Borderline Mates
  • The Psychopath Husband
  • Recognizing Your Weaknesses
  • Do You Court Disaster?
  • Expect the Best
  • Honoring Your Union

Part Three: Seizing Your Wifely Power

Chapter Seven: Wifely Tricks and Techniques
  • What You’re Up Against
  • The Right “Hot” Stuff
  • Embeddedness Benefits
  • Exploiting Marital Interdependency
  • Giving Good, uhm, Attention
  • The Different Drives of Spouses
  • Overcoming Monogamous Monotony
Chapter Eight: The Marital Emergency
  • Undressing Infidelity
  • Understanding the Damage
  • Confronting Your Husband
  • Preparing for the Husband Talk
  • Explain What You’ve Learned
  • The Coolidge Effect and the Dopamine High
  • Dealing Directly with HER
  • Evaluating EMI
  • Affair Typology, Part Two
  • A Therapeutic Intervention
  • How Couple and Individual Therapy Differ
Chapter Nine: Exploiting Your Spousal Prerogatives
  • Gathering Your Allies
  • Home-Wreckers Not Welcome
  • How Her Hiding Helps You
  • Emotional Expressiveness
  • Mars and Venus Revisited
  • Marital Conflict: You Can Work it Out
  • The Gottman Five
  • Turning the Tide by Exposing Her Shortcomings
  • The Battle of Eve vs. Lilith
Chapter Ten: Is It Worth The Effort?
  • Do You Sill Want Him?
  • Your Mitigating Factors
  • Years of Marriage Make a Difference
  • Exploring Your Options with Pros (Lawyers and Marital Therapists)
  • Hired Guns and Marriage
  • Therapy—His, Yours vs. Couple:
  • Examining the Ex Factor

Part Four: Deciding How Your Story Ends

Chapter Eleven: To Your Own Rescue
  • The Damage of Stress
  • Seeing Clearly and Coping Styles
  • Coping is Conscious
  • Mending the Psyche
  • The Highest Power Can Help
  • HPA and Depression Management
Chapter Twelve: The Fork in the Road
  • Beginning Again, Either Way
  • Why Forgive?
  • The Positives and Negatives of Forgiving
Chapter Thirteen: Potential Costs of Adultery—Regardless
  • Emotional Blackmail
  • Claims and Charges
  • Uncivil Civil Affairs
  • Paternity is Forever
  • The Scarlett Letter Lives
  • In Death Do They Sue
  • Your Rights Against Her
  • Protective Measures
  • Alienation of Affections
Chapter Fourteen: Keeping It Together
  • What Research Tells Us
  • Making Marriage Pleasant
  • Perceptions Matter
  • Complexities of Marriage
  • Physical and Emotional Friends for Life
  • Holding on to what You Have
  • The Loving List

Bonus Reading: What Made Your Match Work in the First Place?; Why Does It Change?; and Do You Match Your Mate?


Oslo, fist with rose (fighting for love) You Can't Have Him—He's Mine


The statistics on infidelity are alarming—some say as many as 60 percent of husbands cheat on their wives, while others report that figure is closer to 30 percent. If your husband is among them, you stand to lose not only your spouse, but your psychic sense of trust, certainty, and the security of family life as you knew it.

But there’s good news. Many recent studies reveal that very happy marriages are far less vulnerable to infidelity than unhappy ones, and that “extremely” happy marriages are even more secure from the threat of adultery. The close association between marital satisfaction and fidelity is critical because so many popular self-help books written about adultery to date are premised on now dated studies (based upon small sample sizes, questionable self-reporting methods, and retroactive accounts) that purported to find “even happy marriages” are vulnerable to infidelity. If that were the case, you, the wife, would be a powerless victim of circumstance, having no control over your marital destiny. My many years of practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist belie this claim.

To the contrary, I’ve witnessed how vigilant, vigorous, and skillfully administered mate guarding tactics, not to mention psychological insight complemented with positive communication methods and conflict resolution skills, can work wonders to ward off the wicked would-be “other woman” on the scene—or waiting to pounce. As an R.N., Ph.D., with more than forty years teaching psychology and thirty-five years treating couples whose marriages were nearly destroyed by a husband’s infidelity (as well as the “other women” who formed the third part of the trauma triangle), I wrote this book—with the help of my daughter, a divorce lawyer—to share the accumulated wisdom of leading experts on love, marriage, mate-protection, forgiveness and moving on punctuated by clinical examples from my practice.

With facts and theories from neuroscience, evolution, psychology, and sociology at your fingertips, you will gain the information, resources, and insight needed to decode what your husband is doing and why, while assessing the formerly inscrutable motives, approaches, and techniques of the “other woman.” Knowing what lies behind the impulse to steal another woman’s mate allows you to recognize when a danger is present; predict what could happen if left unattended; and most important, permit you to manage the situation by taking precise actions to eliminate the marital threat that you’ve discovered or that your husband has disclosed. As you’ll see, a wife who knows what to look for and how to react can take control before real trouble starts, making her marriage resistant to the well known stressors, circumstances, and noxious opportunities that arise in certain environments known to create fertile fields for extra marital interaction.

You’ll become expert at assessing your mate and the quality of your marriage and home life for infidelity vulnerability. I’ll help you explore your role in the marriage, as you obtain a realistic view of yourself a as mate and companion. You’ll learn if your wifely actions could be construed as mate-guarding or oblivious, with attitudes and actions—conscious or unconscious—that make an affair all but inevitable. Either way, you’ll learn strategies that can put you and your marriage back on a healthier track, even if an affair has already begun or has happened in the past. Remember, no matter who the other woman is, no matter what she does, it is possible to defeat her, so long as you are prepared, alert, and ready to act to protect what’s yours.

Author note: some of the book's text, final chapter names, and headings may vary from what you see here due to the editing process. Dr. Marie Browne and Marlene Browne, Esq., April 2007.

Available May, 2007

You Can't Have Him He's Mine
©2007-2015. Marie H. Browne, Marlene M. Browne. All rights reserved.